


Of Memories, Obfuscated and Otherwise

by PikofthePok



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: ??? Lup has Bad Thoughts, Alternate Universe - Tres Horny Girls, Angst, Dissociation, Implied/Referenced Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-24 06:43:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17095778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PikofthePok/pseuds/PikofthePok
Summary: The girls have a nice late-night talk. Julia remembers a loved one. Lup has an emotion. Hekuba gets no sleep.





	Of Memories, Obfuscated and Otherwise

**Author's Note:**

> Me? Passionate about this au? It's more likely than you think.  
> Takes place post-Crystal Kingdom.

Lup couldn't sleep. This, of course, wasn't a new problem. Sometimes the little switch in her brain just... didn't click. And other times, well... She didn't like thinking about it. But right now, sleeping just wasn't an option. She turned over, trying to at least find a comfortable position on the ground. Instead, she just grew more irritated. This was stupid.

  
She hated it when this happened. It was impossible to relax with her thoughts racing faster than she could grasp them. To be honest, she'd given up on trying to wrangle them into place years ago. Just when she'd thought she'd had it, it would blink away before she could even place them. Even now, the quiet was muffled under layers of static. Or it was, until a new sound joined the mix. A gentle scraping noise cut through the ambience- strange, considering how late it was. It sounded close, too. Lup sat up, confused. There wasn't much around. It was just the camp, some trees, and...

  
"Julia?" Lup called quietly, looking across the clearing. Sure enough, Julia was awake, sitting on the ground not too far away. She paused and turned around, squinting into the darkness. Right. Humans didn't have darkvision. Lup snapped her fingers quietly, casting a small, dim ball of light in her hand. That should help. Julia visibly relaxed, waving to her gently.

  
"Oh, it's just you." Julia said as Lup padded over to her spot on the ground. "What are you doing up this late?"

  
"Oh, yknow. Insomnia. The usual." Lup said with a shrug, sitting down nearby. She wasn't normally one to be so upfront about things, but the truth of the matter was that she was exhausted, and any sort of company was welcome at this point. Julia frowned, humming an acknowledgement. The two of them fell into a momentary silence, waiting for the other to continue. Neither of them did. For a moment, Lup considered just trying to lie down again, but as she properly took in her surroundings, she noticed something small in Julia's hands. She tilted her head. "So uh... whatcha got there?"

  
Julia blinked, confused for a moment, before looking at the objects in her hands. She smiled. "Oh, this? It's nothing, just..." She held it up- a small, rough wooden model. "It's a swan. I started a few days ago, but I guess I just didn't get the chance to finish until now." She laughed quietly.

  
"Oh. Neat. Can I hold it?" Lup asked, holding out a hand. Julia paused, looking at the carving for a moment before nodding and handing it to Lup. The swan was jagged and geometrical, the edges imprecise. However, something about the unique shape was... charming, somehow. She admired the prickly texture of the wood, turning it over in her hands a few times before handing it back.

  
"Damn, that's pretty cool, Juju." She said, leaning on Julia's shoulder. Julia smiled gently.

  
  
"Thanks. I've had some practice." She said. "They're just really calming to make." Lup nodded, watching carefully as Julia continued to chip away at the wood, smoothing out the curves.  
  
"Looks like it. Where'd ya learn how to do that?" she asked. Julia's expression dropped. Lup drew in a breath through her teeth. "Shit, sorry, uh... I can drop it if you want. I didn't mean to pry or anything." She said quickly, but Julia shook her head.  
  
"No, no, you're fine, I just..." Julia looked up at the sky. "My husband used to make these a lot. I guess I was just thinking about him again."  
  
"Oh." Lup said. "Do you wanna talk about it?" Julia paused. She seemed to mull it over in her head for a moment. Lup hadn't noticed before, but Julia never really talked about her past. She only really spoke of small snippets of experiences, but never anything truly significant. Which was strange, considering how outgoing she tended to be.  
  
"...Yeah, that would be nice, actually." Julia said, looking down at her hands. And she continued to do so. For a moment, Lup thought she wasn't going to respond, and she opened her mouth to ask just as Julia spoke up again.  
  
"You ever hear of a place called Raven's Roost?" She asked, turning the swan over in her hands a few times. Lup's ear flicked as she looked up, thinking.  
  
"Mm... I can't say I have, sorry." She said with a shrug. "'Fraid I don't know much about towns 'n stuff." Julia raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Huh. I thought news would've gotten around. Especially after how long it's been." She said. Lup tilted her head.  
  
"What happened?" She asked. Julia sucked in a breath through her teeth.  
  
"Well, a bit. There was a huge revolution against a shitty guy in power." Julia said. "His name was Governor Kalen. He was a bastard." Her expression soured, and she began chipping away at the wood once again. Lup frowned.  
  
"Yikes. How'd it go?" She asked. Julia grinned briefly.  
  
"We won." She said. "I was one of the ones leading it, along with my husband, Magnus." Julia paused, her eyes foggy as she seemed to recall a warm memory. "He was... amazing. He was brave and strong, and cared about so much so recklessly. He was like... a big teddy bear."  
  
Lup laughed. "He sounds like a great person." She said, leaning against Julia's shoulder. Julia nodded, sighing quietly.  
  
"He was. He had strong morals as well. Even after everything that happened, he ended up sparing Kalen's life." She laughed, shaking her head. "Funny how things happen, huh?"  
  
Julia paused to hold up the swan, now significantly smoother than it was before. It even had some subtle feather engravings that stood out in the gentle light from Lup's spell. Lup looked the small bird over for a moment, smiling at the little details put into it. But Julia didn't. She sighed, placing the swan on the ground in front of them. Once more, she seemed to gather her thoughts before speaking again.

  
"He came back, Kalen. He was still bitter about being overthrown. He..." Julia cut herself off, resting her head in her hands. Lup shifted to face her, placing a gentle hand on her arm.

  
"You don't have to tell me if you aren't ready, Juju." Lup said cautiously. She hadn't ever seen Julia so stressed before, which was saying a lot considering the amount of things they'd already been through. Julia shook her head, taking a deep breath.

  
"No, I've already made it this far. I just..." She closed her eyes, clasping her hands in her lap quietly. "Kalen destroyed Raven's Roost. Magnus didn't make it."

  
Lup's eyes softened. "Oh, Juju..." She wrapped an arm around Julia, who dipped her head quietly. Her eyes remained trained on a spot on the ground in front of her, though she seemed completely absorbed in thought. They sat in silence for a few moments, watching the light flicker gently around them. Julia rubbed her eyes.

  
"You remind me of Magnus, a little bit." She said, trying to hide the falter in her voice. "He used to call me Jules. It was the last thing I heard from him." Lup fiddled with her cloak for a moment.

  
"And that's why you didn't want me to call you that, huh?" She said quietly. Julia nodded. Lup blinked slowly. She hated it when it grew quiet. The silence just made her anxious, antsy. She frowned before taking a deep breath and turning to face Julia.

  
"That settles it then. That's another name to add the the Lup Universal List of Asses to Kick; trademark." She said, clenching her fist. Julia raised an eyebrow, a smile edging onto her face.

  
"Uh huh. You know I've got first dibs though, right?" Julia said, nudging Lup gently. That was better. "Oh, natch." She responded, crossing her legs under her.

  
"Who else is on that list, by the way?" Julia asked, picking up the swan carving and placing it in her bag. Lup paused, flicking her ear.

  
"Oh, y'know. Assorted assholes. No one important." She said with a shrug, crossing her arms. She avoided Julia's eyes, though she could tell she earned herself a highly skeptical look. Lup frowned, keeping her gaze away from Julia as best she could.

  
"...Are you sure?" Julia asked. "I'm here to listen, if you need it." Lup hissed under her breath. God damn it. Genuine concern. How was she supposed to counter that? Besides, it wasn't like she could just go to sleep. She sighed.

  
"Fine. 's nothing really serious though" Lup said, turning to face Julia again. Julia lowered her eyebrows, unshaken. Lup swore under her breath.

  
"God fucking damn it, fine. Since when was I just an open fucking book?" She said, throwing her hands in the air.

  
"You are severely overestimating your ability to hide your emotions." Julia said. Lup glared at her, incredulous. She pointed to Lup. "It's the ears, darling."

  
The what? What does that... and then she realized. Her ears had been pressed back for their whole interaction. As the realization dawned on her, she could see a smile edging onto Julia's face.

  
"Oh no. No no no no, you stop that." Lup said, pointing a finger at Julia, who was trying to stifle a laugh behind her hand.

  
"You're just an angry cat!" Julia laughed, and Lup groaned.

  
"Y'all two are talkin awful loud for people supposedly talkin bout secrets."

  
The two of them froze. Lup held out the light in her hand, waving it around to find the source of the voice only to find Hekuba, very much awake, and very much sitting next to them.

"Ssssshit. How long have you been up?" Lup asked cautiously.  
  
  
"Long enough. Hard to sleep when someone conjures up a light right next to you." Hekuba shrugged. Lup frowned.

  
"Whoops." She said. Hekuba waved her off.  
  
  
"It's fine. Wouldn't want to miss hearing y'alls life story now, would I?" She huffed.  
  
  
"Aw, god damn it, now I have to be emotionally open with _two_ whole people." Lup said, throwing her hands in the air.

  
"It'll be okay, Lup.” Julia said, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “You've got to confide in someone. Keeping that shit bottled up isn't healthy.

  
“I'll keep all my emotions in here,” Lup said, motioning to her chest. “And then one day, I'll die.”

  
“Well shit, what happened to Lup ‘Bad Bitch Unkillable’?” Hekuba scoffed. Lup laughed.

  
“Hold the fuck up, that's _my_ thing, you can't use that!” She said, shooting a look at Hekuba who smirked back at her. “Don't test me, I _will_ sue you for copyright."

  
“Sure, sure.” Hekuba said, rolling her eyes. “Anyway, you're stalling. What's your story?” Lup sighed, and she began fidgeting with her hands. She loved her friends, sure, but somehow they managed so see right through her. And that was different. And weird. She frowned.

  
“Sssshit all right uh… where do I even start?” Lup laughed. “Guess uh… Been travelling around most of my life. ‘S pretty chill. Kinda lonely, but y’know. That’s how it be I guess.” Julia and Hekuba glanced at each other, and Lup groaned with her head in her hands.

  
“Okay, _listen,_ talking about things is _hard_ okay? You know how hard it is to make words go? Shit.” She said.

  
“Take your time.” Hekuba said, dipping her head slightly. “We’re not in a rush.” Lup nodded, staring down at her lap for a moment.

  
“Uh. Guess you could say I was caravan hopping when I was little. Just kinda seein who could tolerate some scruffy elf girl tagging along. Some days were better than others.”

  
She continued. “And sometimes I would _accidentally_ set someone on fire. Again, depended on the day.” “Accidentally?” Julia repeated. Lup just held up a finger to her mouth, grinning.

  
“Listen, I’m not gonna let people just walk all over me. If you’re gonna be a dick, I have every right to kick your ass. It’s the law.” She continued, and Julia laughed. “Got myself into some pretty wack situations too. I probs woulda died a lot sooner if it wasn’t for…”

  
Lup paused. Weird. Her words got away from her for a moment, but… she was fairly certain that wasn’t what she was going to say at all. So why did she say that? It wasn’t like there was someone… No, that train of thought wasn’t right either. What was she doing again? Something about her story, right. She talked about travelling, definitely, shitty people to deal with, and about she and… No one. She and no one. She talked about that, definitely. So what was she…?

  
“Lup. Lup?” A snapping noise brought her back to reality. She blinked a few times, the quiet buzzing fading before she could acknowledge it once again. Julia and Hekuba were looking towards her, concerned. She frowned, her confusion slowly fading into aggravation.

  
“Fuck. God fucking- not again.” She hissed, letting out a long sigh. “It’s fine, I’m fine. I just-”

  
“Again?” Hekuba said, raising an eyebrow. “So this isn’t the first time?” Lup’s expression dropped. Suddenly, she didn’t feel much like talking. As a matter of fact, she didn’t feel much like being awake. Or conscious whatsoever. She stood up.

  
“Actually. I’m tired. Nice talk. I’m going to sleep.” Lup said, ignoring the concerned look from the others.

  
“Lup, wait-”

  
“Goodnight.”

  
She walked back over to where she was sleeping before and lay down, pulling the cover over her head. The buzzing remained. She swore silently, attempting to push the sensation out of her mind. It was fine. She was probably just sleep deprived or something. But… elves don’t need sleep. So why? Lup turned over once more, ignoring the faint whispers from the others. She was starting to get really tired of the same song and dance every night. And somehow, trying to talk about it only made the sensations worse.

  
Worst of all, she couldn’t even remember where it started. It all just happened one day. At least, she thinks so. Lup squeezed her eyes shut. She wished she could at least find out what was causing it. Maybe she was sick. Yeah, that was it. She was just sick and needed to rest. For a long time. And as she slowly but surely drifted off, a quiet emptiness crept over her. Nothing new, of course. Because that's how it had always been. Right?


End file.
